I thought the grass was greener on the other side,

Embarked I on a journey of self-discovery and delight,

The journey had begun, I could not contain,

Oh the excitement, the ideas, the promises, that flight!

Life couldn't get better, said the heart

It all made sense, thought the brain

But the soul grimaced at the peril it contained;

I chose to understand, I chose to hear,

Forgot I, that it was most important to feel.

En route came a rude awakening

Which took me by surprise

Wreaked its havoc, ran its course

Left me with a lot to question and surmise;

Like an epoch of dismay in the cold long winters,

It rendered frigid everything it touched.

Fireworks do light up the dreary night sky,

But remember their beauty is evanescent,

Moments don't last forever,
Times swell and ebb like the tide,

Someone once told me the grass was greener,

On the other side :)

The Bitterness Within

Hold something back in for too long and it'll come out as something twice as strong and ugly. You can never brush things under the carpet for too long; eventually you'll have to deal with them and deal with reality. I'm afraid that I've become bitter. Every thought, every sight and every mention makes me plain bitter. I try not to let it show, not let it come out of my mouth...but the heart has its way, and no matter what, the damn thing will have its way until, seconds later your mind knocks sense into you and makes you feel bad about it. How do things get to this point? Did we make ourselves vulnerable? Do we have no control over things?  Are things simply as they are meant to be? Is there something in them for us to learn?  Revenge is not what I'm looking for just respite, for myself and those I love. What has been done can't be undone and I can't keep trying to go back; it's like trying to climb an escalator that's going down-you'll keep moving, but it'll never get you anywhere.

The Other Perspective

We don't nag we don't remind

Of the things changed, the times gone by

Fleeting moments do catch the eye

Is it worth turning the hands of time?

Turning back would never cease

The shifting thoughts seated deep

To fight, and call myself a victor?

Victory in perseverance is what I seek!

A Mirror to Your Face

Hard to conjure, hard to retain,
This façade will soon efface,
The truth reveal itself,
When I hold a mirror to your face.

Denial a retreat, renunciation an abode,
Too afraid to show a trace;
Too weak to look look it in the eye,
Cos' I'll hold a mirror to your face.

The blatant and the egregious, the passively impassive,
Scurrying under the veil of solace;
To unveil what had for long shown
I just held a mirror to your face

What once was cannot be reclaimed,
Retreat with pride and grace;
It's best to know what's best to do,
Now, I don't want to hold a mirror to your face.

My Lord You are my only refuge, salvation and respite

O my Lord,
Save my soul from crushing,
Save me from the ghouls that consume,
Save my mind from the thoughts that trouble,
Save me from the suffering that ensues.
Let my tears be my respite,
My wrongdoings are causing my plight.
If each tear drop was salvation,
I'd stay up all night and weep in prostration,
Seeking forgiveness for all that has been done.
Forgive me for drifting apart,
I knew all along what appeases the heart,
Show me the right path once more,
This time I promise I won't let go.
Exalt me in my trials,
Reward me in my tribulations,
Salvage me from what I've become,
Relieve me from the things that have been done.
Give me the strength to once again start,
Without demons from the past tearing me apart.
Show me the light that had once filled my life,
Guide me by the hand, I am ready for the strife;
Better strive for You my Creator,
Than for the creations that never could compensate,
The love, the tenderness, the emotions that You had given me innate.
To You we belong and to You shall we return,
Let me not myself in sorrow drown,
Let me hold on to that fighting chance before the sun goes down.
There's nothing to do, nowhere to go from here,
I must...must persevere.
Shameful, sorry and wounded I come before You on this cold winter night,
I know my Lord  You are my only refuge, salvation and respite.

-Javeriah

The saddest and most hurtful thing about being around two-faced people is................................................................................................................................................................................You don't know which face to slap first

Don't dilemmas exist at every junction of our everyday life? From very trivial to very grave matters, it's these darned dilemmas that tear us apart into two. I mean have you never thought about trivial things like whether or not you should go to place, party, event, XYZ or whether the black dress will be more appropriate or the white...trivial female woes I tell you (*dramatic sigh*)! Look around you though, in fact no wait! pause. rewind. play. There! Now look within you, and that's exactly where you must begin from; always. Look within you and you'll realize that there's more to you as a person to worry about than where to go and what to wear. Khair, a self-righteous sermon wasn't the point of this narration, and out of habit I'm getting carried away again. This is probably why you shouldn't blog as an emotional ventilator. Shit. Doing it again. Ok promise, ab nahin (I'll try!). So, I was talking about the dilemmas, that exist within us, the things that have the power to shred our peace of mind to a million tiny pieces. One such dilemma occurs when you're surrounded by two-faced people; the saddest and most hurtful part is that...you don't know which face to slap first. No really. If these people can consume your peace of mind bit by bit without any genuine efforts of redemption (I don't care for remorse; so you're remorseful, big deal! If it couldn't do any good to me or you then you probably got it wrong somewhere). I sound like a really menacing person right now, so those who're scandalized are warned to read no further. Like I was saying, if someone couldn't have the spine or decency to constrict herself within the realms of human civility, then I am not going to play Jesus.... I'm not going to quietly take all the bullshit and make it look like a huge self sacrifice on my part (no blasphemy intended)... I do not believe in such emotional sacrifices. It's so much easier to see oneself as being victimized than the victimizer. However, this actually cuts both ways. Takes two to tango. Having said that, it's not having done something hypocritical or dishonest that I'm bashing; it's getting away with something so cheap and stooping this fucking low over and over again that REALLY ticks me off. Think about it; when someone's blatantly lying to your face (and doesn't give a tinker's damn about it) when you know all the while that it's just a load of cod and wallop, you shouldn't be expected to be the most rational or amiable person. So in Marilyn Monroe's words, if you have two faces, at least make one of them pretty.

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods

   And over the walls I have wended;

I have climbed the hills of view

   And looked at the world, and descended;

I have come by the highway home,

   And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,

   Save those that the oak is keeping

To ravel them one by one

   And let them go scraping and creeping

Out over the crusted snow,

   When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,

   No longer blown hither and thither;

The last lone aster is gone;

   The flowers of the witch hazel wither;

The heart is still aching to seek,

   But the feet question ‘Whither?’

Ah, when to the heart of man

   Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

   To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

   Of a love or a season?

-Robert Frost

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/238118

On Being Honest

Something that i saw on facebook :P

It's funny :P

When Happiness is living a million miles away

Emotional dependence is the sweetest and worst of its kind. Being emotionally dependent on someone can make us really really happy or make us really really sad. You know what I find most interesting? When we become emotionally dependent on children. There's nothing they can do for us physically, yet, they seem to be a single most powerful source of joy. You can't help being attached to children. When you raise a child from a feeble  neonate to a healthy vivacious infant, teach her how to crawl, then teach her how to walk, watch her take her first step, hear her say her first word...the love of this person for the child is selfless. Nothing is expected in return; because the greatest return is in the smile that envelops the child's face and the incessant laughter that can light up the most melancholy heart. 

Departing with this all-in-one-package-of-happiness is very difficult; painful even. You're torn apart between being happy and being sad; happy for the child, sad for yourself. My little ball of happiness sits a million miles away from me right now but the fact that I get to see her smiling face everyday, thanks to Skype, is a blessing. You never how much MORE something/someone means to you and has the power to influence your life and moods until you depart with it. 

Cheers!

I Just Realized

With reference to an earlier post titled 'Lessons', I just realized something;
"7.When you give too much importance to someone in your life, you tend to lose your value in theirs."
Not quite. It's when you give too much importance in your life to someone who DOESN'T DESERVE it, that you lose your value in theirs.
Without this correction what an outrageously nasty injustice this predicament would be to all those wonderful people around us!

What a song!

Respite, Salvation and Refuge

Facebook statuses are a phenomenon. All those who do not have better alternatives to vent their feelings vent them on facebook. Lyrics, quotes, movie quotes, self-proclaimed philosophical reflections (the "lmao" kind) etc etc. Put one of these up and BAM...You have seventy something likes in like a day! A couple of comments, "so truee", "what happened" "aww" by shweety, smoochie, prince, king and such likes...whereby the author of  the status feigns a "want-of-privacy" and delights himself in conceited joy. Apart from needing a psychologist who can counsel them on how they can stabilize themselves and while at it grow a pair (which should go without saying) these people seriously need to set their priorities right. Sometimes pride needs to take the back seat and more important things must take its place. Either toughen up to fate or trace it back to the root cause. Subtle Facebook messages are a) not so subtle and b) very useless. FACEBOOK WOULDN'T HELP. If you can't face your feelings and DO something about them, stop spamming the walls of hundreds who wouldn't care twice.

I really needed to get that out of  my system, everytime i'm really bogged down and really need to vent my feelings, I'd rather go through my contact list to look for a friend who will listen and genuinely cares. Very few people will actually feel your misery the way you do; don't broadcast your feelings on facebook. They're worth more than that. Remember if somebody needed a Facebook status to be knocked into realization, he/she probably isn't worth it either. Worth the time and energy you expend on coming up with a status and posting it. No; not even that much. And if somebody really is worth it, then let go of your ego...It's like a trade off; decide which is more important to you.

This friend of mine today in naivete said 'I-Don't-Know' in reply to some query of mine..Woah. I don't know why, but it unleashed a repressed lava inside of me. 'I-Don't-Know' should die. My rage wasn't directed at the poor soul, she just got caught in the crossfire. She very obediently decided to nod at each and every one of my deliberations (for lack of a better word) until the inclemency placated. I think my fury had been ignited after receiving an 'I-Don't-Know' reply from someone (something to that effect) when that was the LAST thing I wanted to hear then. Some other painful examples of 'I don't know' replies include, but aren't limited to:
"Hey, do you know what's included in the syllabus?" -- "I don't know"
"Hey, do you know the solution of this question?" -- "I don't know"
"Hey, so what does the plan look like?" -- "I don't know"
"Hey, everything alright?" -- "I don't know"
"Hey, what's wrong?" -- "I don't know?"
"Hey, do you know where my things are kept?" -- "I don't know"
"Hey, when's mom going to be back home?" -- "I don't know"
"Hey, what's your name?" -- "I don't know"
AHA! Douche.

I've realized that so far, I haven't said a thing apparently related to the title of this post: Respite, Salvation and Refuge. There are times when you really REALLY wish all three of these things came in a combo, delivered at your doorstep; just a call away. But then only the rich would enjoy this luxury too. Life isn't all that cruel. In order to acquire access to some of the greatest 'naimats' you must 'earn' them.
No better Source to turn to than the Creator himself. I must prove myself worthy of respite, salvation and refuge...to the Being worthy of granting these...No amount of rant and rave can decontaminate the bitter heart...And Divine intervention is much needed rather sought (I, for one, believe it's always needed. We'd wreak much more havoc in our lives than we already do, had it not been for that).
It's naive of us to turn to humans when we need these things. Very VERY few humans can provide the emotional support, when you need to sail through a rough patch. Value the ones who do. Even those who don't. They give you all the more reason to be happy at your good fortune of having great people around you. I can't pause my life, clutch my heart and weep because two bad things happened in a day. You've gotta move on. Yeah you can't get over things but you must still move on. Try fixing things instead of pitying yourself. If it's worth a fighting chance, then fight for it you must, not weep. Staying frozen in a time-frame is an incredibly stupid self-imposed punishment.

My eyes hurt as I type that last sentence and I fight to keep them open. I have an exam in a day and zero preparation. A miracle can save me now (as always)... a friend of mine says and I quote "I don't believe in miracles-I rely on them."

Cheers!