The Bitterness Within

Hold something back in for too long and it'll come out as something twice as strong and ugly. You can never brush things under the carpet for too long; eventually you'll have to deal with them and deal with reality. I'm afraid that I've become bitter. Every thought, every sight and every mention makes me plain bitter. I try not to let it show, not let it come out of my mouth...but the heart has its way, and no matter what, the damn thing will have its way until, seconds later your mind knocks sense into you and makes you feel bad about it. How do things get to this point? Did we make ourselves vulnerable? Do we have no control over things?  Are things simply as they are meant to be? Is there something in them for us to learn?  Revenge is not what I'm looking for just respite, for myself and those I love. What has been done can't be undone and I can't keep trying to go back; it's like trying to climb an escalator that's going down-you'll keep moving, but it'll never get you anywhere.

The Other Perspective

We don't nag we don't remind

Of the things changed, the times gone by

Fleeting moments do catch the eye

Is it worth turning the hands of time?

Turning back would never cease

The shifting thoughts seated deep

To fight, and call myself a victor?

Victory in perseverance is what I seek!

A Mirror to Your Face

Hard to conjure, hard to retain,
This façade will soon efface,
The truth reveal itself,
When I hold a mirror to your face.

Denial a retreat, renunciation an abode,
Too afraid to show a trace;
Too weak to look look it in the eye,
Cos' I'll hold a mirror to your face.

The blatant and the egregious, the passively impassive,
Scurrying under the veil of solace;
To unveil what had for long shown
I just held a mirror to your face

What once was cannot be reclaimed,
Retreat with pride and grace;
It's best to know what's best to do,
Now, I don't want to hold a mirror to your face.

My Lord You are my only refuge, salvation and respite

O my Lord,
Save my soul from crushing,
Save me from the ghouls that consume,
Save my mind from the thoughts that trouble,
Save me from the suffering that ensues.
Let my tears be my respite,
My wrongdoings are causing my plight.
If each tear drop was salvation,
I'd stay up all night and weep in prostration,
Seeking forgiveness for all that has been done.
Forgive me for drifting apart,
I knew all along what appeases the heart,
Show me the right path once more,
This time I promise I won't let go.
Exalt me in my trials,
Reward me in my tribulations,
Salvage me from what I've become,
Relieve me from the things that have been done.
Give me the strength to once again start,
Without demons from the past tearing me apart.
Show me the light that had once filled my life,
Guide me by the hand, I am ready for the strife;
Better strive for You my Creator,
Than for the creations that never could compensate,
The love, the tenderness, the emotions that You had given me innate.
To You we belong and to You shall we return,
Let me not myself in sorrow drown,
Let me hold on to that fighting chance before the sun goes down.
There's nothing to do, nowhere to go from here,
I must...must persevere.
Shameful, sorry and wounded I come before You on this cold winter night,
I know my Lord  You are my only refuge, salvation and respite.

-Javeriah

The saddest and most hurtful thing about being around two-faced people is................................................................................................................................................................................You don't know which face to slap first

Don't dilemmas exist at every junction of our everyday life? From very trivial to very grave matters, it's these darned dilemmas that tear us apart into two. I mean have you never thought about trivial things like whether or not you should go to place, party, event, XYZ or whether the black dress will be more appropriate or the white...trivial female woes I tell you (*dramatic sigh*)! Look around you though, in fact no wait! pause. rewind. play. There! Now look within you, and that's exactly where you must begin from; always. Look within you and you'll realize that there's more to you as a person to worry about than where to go and what to wear. Khair, a self-righteous sermon wasn't the point of this narration, and out of habit I'm getting carried away again. This is probably why you shouldn't blog as an emotional ventilator. Shit. Doing it again. Ok promise, ab nahin (I'll try!). So, I was talking about the dilemmas, that exist within us, the things that have the power to shred our peace of mind to a million tiny pieces. One such dilemma occurs when you're surrounded by two-faced people; the saddest and most hurtful part is that...you don't know which face to slap first. No really. If these people can consume your peace of mind bit by bit without any genuine efforts of redemption (I don't care for remorse; so you're remorseful, big deal! If it couldn't do any good to me or you then you probably got it wrong somewhere). I sound like a really menacing person right now, so those who're scandalized are warned to read no further. Like I was saying, if someone couldn't have the spine or decency to constrict herself within the realms of human civility, then I am not going to play Jesus.... I'm not going to quietly take all the bullshit and make it look like a huge self sacrifice on my part (no blasphemy intended)... I do not believe in such emotional sacrifices. It's so much easier to see oneself as being victimized than the victimizer. However, this actually cuts both ways. Takes two to tango. Having said that, it's not having done something hypocritical or dishonest that I'm bashing; it's getting away with something so cheap and stooping this fucking low over and over again that REALLY ticks me off. Think about it; when someone's blatantly lying to your face (and doesn't give a tinker's damn about it) when you know all the while that it's just a load of cod and wallop, you shouldn't be expected to be the most rational or amiable person. So in Marilyn Monroe's words, if you have two faces, at least make one of them pretty.

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods

   And over the walls I have wended;

I have climbed the hills of view

   And looked at the world, and descended;

I have come by the highway home,

   And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,

   Save those that the oak is keeping

To ravel them one by one

   And let them go scraping and creeping

Out over the crusted snow,

   When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,

   No longer blown hither and thither;

The last lone aster is gone;

   The flowers of the witch hazel wither;

The heart is still aching to seek,

   But the feet question ‘Whither?’

Ah, when to the heart of man

   Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

   To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

   Of a love or a season?

-Robert Frost

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/238118